When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
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I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
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$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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