I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
