She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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