after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
