I feel like abortions should bother me more
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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