I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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