gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
