Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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