We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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