The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
