I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
