and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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