Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
