you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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