some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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