thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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