Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
