Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
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