drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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