i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
