this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it