bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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