Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
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Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
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Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.