she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
