if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
