In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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