guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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