Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
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