please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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