apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
