So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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