I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
