Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
