she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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