I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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