Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
