he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
