just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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