I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
