You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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