You're so nebulous sometimes
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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