I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
