hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
