I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
