3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
