I must be too annoying 4 u.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
