Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
