do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
