haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
