is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
