Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
