Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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