I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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