I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
