So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
