I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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