when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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