at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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