It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
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We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
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I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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