My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
