Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I think I died a long time ago.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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