At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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