her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
