my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Small penises have feelings too.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
