I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
