remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
