i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
