Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
