she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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