I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
